Thoughts on Family Game Night

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For a solid two years I dreaded family game night.  I’d come up with any reason to avoid it.  “Oh, you’re right kids, it IS Saturday night.  I know it’s supposed to be game night but I just remembered I have to do laundry tonight!  Don’t want to get behind!”  We started this idea with high hopes of family bonding and laughter and community building.  My expectations and reality were grossly mis-matched.  Maybe this resonates with your own experience.

Typically, we would start strong but about 20 minutes in, my husband and I would be exchanging looks that said, “Who’s idea was this again?!  Wouldn’t you rather be doing just about ANYTHING else?”  These glances-that-speak-a-thousand-words were generally shortly after one of the kids would be in tears because someone cheated or because they were losing or just because it was nearing bedtime and nothing seemed right or fair or good in the world.

My first thought was always “I give up!  No more game nights!  Movie nights all around!”  Clearly patience is my strong suit.  Although of course I know that learning to lose well, to compromise and to play fair are life-long skills, sometimes teaching those skills felt like it required more patience than I could muster. 

There are a few things we’ve changed along the way that have helped tremendously.  Although we still have meltdowns and tears, they are less frequent and often we even have fun!  Miracles never cease.

First off, our game nights have become game mornings or game afternoons or basically any time that isn’t too close to bedtime.  We want to set our kids (and ourselves!) up for success and trying to do something hard too close to bedtime is a recipe for disaster.  We also started incorporating cooperative games where we are working together as a family to win.  Hoot Owl Hoot became a quick favorite.  We would alternate cooperative games and competitive games.  I personally would have stuck with only cooperate games (fewer tears!) but my husband would keep reminding me that parenting means playing the long game and losing well is a life skill.

A friend of mine, who is a therapist, also recommended a series of books that have become parenting lifelines for us!  You can find links to the whole series here.  The two books that were most helpful for game time were What to Do When Your Temper Flares and What to Do When It’s Not Fair.

Most importantly, I shifted my expectations.  Instead of seeing family game time as a fun bonding activity (although it can also be that!) I started seeing it as a continuation of social skills therapy.  I expect some level of frustration and general angst when working on these skills so I was less caught off guard when the tears showed up.  When I shifted my lens, I found I often enjoyed myself more because I wasn’t nearly as disappointed if things went south.

While I still may be guilty of planning game time on days I’m working (sorry honey, I owe you!) I’ve found that I generally actually enjoy our game time, especially when I remember to buy my favorite treats.  My kids think the treats are for them.  I know that they are my own form of bribery for myself.  No treats until I survive game time!

Setting ourselves up for success, incorporating cooperative games, practicing losing well, and shifting our expectations have all helped our family win at family game times.