Thoughts on Cognitive Flexibility

Life requires flexibility. This is as true when you are seven as it is when you are 70! What a gift we can give our children by encouraging them to learn to see life with a flexible mindset that allows for change and growth. Cognitive flexibility is a term used when discussing a person’s ability to switch their way of thinking or to approach a problem in a new way. It plays an invaluable role in problem solving and in allowing us to understand the perspective of another person. 

Many learning and developmental delays include rigid behavior or thinking. This can make school and social settings complicated and frustrating for kiddos, parents and teachers. But the good news is that our brains have an amazing capacity to grow and form new pathways. The more we stretch our brains, the more flexible they become! 

I’ve created a unit geared for kids age 4-8 years old that teaches them about flexible thinking. It touches on rigid versus flexible thinking as well as how thinking flexibly encourages problem solving. It also helps kids understand the importance of point of view and understanding the perspective of another person. To see if this unit is helpful for the kids in your life you can download the first section here. The entire unit can be found here.

All children love the safety and predictability of routines. Kids love to go to bed with their favorite “lovey” or read the same stories every night. This is normal and developmentally appropriate. 

But what happens when life happens? When mom is late getting home from work? Or when that favorite book has been lost? Some children are able to adapt and “flex” to these unforeseen changes. It is normal to reassure children and to provide comforts and distractions. A child with a flexible mindset will usually be able to move on at that point. For a child who struggles with rigidity, these sudden changes can mean all-out-meltdown. They can get stuck and be unable to move forward with their day. This creates an unsustainable environment for families. Routines will change. People will get sick. Life will happen. The sooner we can help our children learn to cope with change, the more adaptable they will become.

Using a flexibility chart has been a useful tool for our family. It has helped our children (and their parents!) to recognize when they’re practicing flexibility. The visual reminder has helped our kids to feel successful in our journey, which is invaluable.

For example, one of our children in particular struggled with bedtime routines. Every evening had to look the exact same way. Since my husband and I are both nurses and work evening hours, it was impossible to make each evening the same. This mismatch of expectation and reality created a lot of tears and frustration at bedtime. We used a flexibility chart as an incentive to encourage a willingness to adapt to different routines. She earned a sticker for every night that there were no tears at bedtime and could work towards different rewards.

These charts are designed to be versatile. They can be used for toddlers when they don’t melt down because they got the wrong color cup (we have all been there!) or for school aged children who don’t get stuck when a schedule change pops up. They can be used for a very specific goal such as being willing to try one new food each day, which can be a struggle for kiddos with sensory issues. Or they can be helpful for a very fluid goal such as “keeping a flexible attitude.” Tailor them to your kiddo’s needs!

Here is the link to my Etsy shop where you can find customizable charts to help your child grow in the flexibility arena! I’ve also created a flexibility chart for the whole family. One important thing I’ve learned along the way is that it’s so important for our kids to know that parents struggle with staying flexible too. The willingness for us to share our struggles with our kids builds empathy and vulnerability in a family culture. The whole family chart can be used as a tool to discuss ways in which every family member is earning those flexibility stars!

I hope these tools are helpful to you and your family!