Thoughts on Sticky Thoughts

One of my most profound parenting “Aha!” moments to date was when I first heard the term “sticky thoughts” in a social skills group. I knew immediately that we’d stumbled upon a tool that would shift our parenting.

We had been struggling with “getting stuck” in our home but didn’t have the words or terms to explain this idea in a way our kids could understand. The more I thought about this idea of our brains getting stuck, the more I realized that I struggle with this too. Turns out that kids aren’t the only ones who perseverate or get stuck in the spiral of anxiety. The irony of the “parenting is a mirror” concept is not lost on me!

Many kids (and adults!) struggle with “sticky thoughts” - this means that our brains can have a difficult time moving past an idea or thought that is front and center in our minds. While other people may have an upsetting event or idea but then move ahead with their day, for people who get “stuck” frequently, it can feel overwhelming and challenging to move forward.

The book What To Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck became a valuable resource in our home. It provided the groundwork to explain sticky thoughts to our kids. I’d recommended it for ages 6-10, depending on your child’s development.

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I also created incentive charts to help celebrate times when our kids were able to get their brains unstuck. For us this meant that we were able to discuss an issue, brainstorm a solution and move forward with minimal drama and “stickiness.”

For example, if your child struggles with sensory issues, getting dressed can be a major cause of stress and tears. They may complain or even melt down because certain clothes “don’t feel right” or are uncomfortable. If you’ve already taken all the normal steps (cutting tags out, buying certain brands that fit their needs, etc.) but getting dressed is still causing trouble, an incentive chart can be a helpful tool. It can provide just enough of a positive reinforcement to not “get stuck” during this part of the morning routine. You can grab a printable chart for your family here.

I have also created some printables to help kids think through how having sticky thoughts makes them feel and ways to move forward when they are stuck. You can grab these printables here.

There is a lot of overlap between the idea of “sticky thoughts” and the idea of cognitive flexibility. Difficulty with stickiness is often associated with kids who struggle with rigid thinking - for example kids who tend to be anxious or kids who are on the autism spectrum. You can read more on cognitive flexibility here.

My eight year old son asked me the other day, “Mom, are you getting sticky about that?” when I was hyper-focused and zipping around getting the house picked up. I was equal parts annoyed and elated that he knew the language and application of the idea! Be careful what tools you teach your kids because they WILL use them on you too! “Yep! I totally am!” I told him with a laugh and a hug. We are ALL still working on not getting stuck over here at our place! Hope these tools are as helpful for you as they’ve been for us.